Training our Boys' from Young to create a Safer World for Women!
I have been trying to write this post for many many days now....have edited and re-edited the text and the structure over and over again since I feel very strongly about this subject and fear that my words will get carried away in the heat of my emotions.
On the one hand, March- the month in which we celebrate spring, colours and the empowerment of women -beckons us and fills us with happiness and pride; on the other hand incidents of crime and harassment against women in India continue to pound the headlines and shame us. As another incident from my home town in northern India comes to light; it again lent credence to my belief that this dismal state of women's safety in India cannot only be a product of external influence that it is conveniently blamed on (immigration from smaller towns, influence of the media, exposure to western culture),- but rather a product of how we bring up our sons or rather how we choose not to bring them up!
Of course, media does play a part- our children, especially young boys are exposed to games and TV shows are shockingly violent and hero-centric. Their's is a world that is centred around physical strength, a world where brute strength alone gives you power, respect and the freedom to snatch whatever is not rightfully yours while the physically weaker one is always subjected to ridicule and isolated.
On the one hand, March- the month in which we celebrate spring, colours and the empowerment of women -beckons us and fills us with happiness and pride; on the other hand incidents of crime and harassment against women in India continue to pound the headlines and shame us. As another incident from my home town in northern India comes to light; it again lent credence to my belief that this dismal state of women's safety in India cannot only be a product of external influence that it is conveniently blamed on (immigration from smaller towns, influence of the media, exposure to western culture),- but rather a product of how we bring up our sons or rather how we choose not to bring them up!
Of course, media does play a part- our children, especially young boys are exposed to games and TV shows are shockingly violent and hero-centric. Their's is a world that is centred around physical strength, a world where brute strength alone gives you power, respect and the freedom to snatch whatever is not rightfully yours while the physically weaker one is always subjected to ridicule and isolated.
But I believe that cause for this decadence of culture is way deeper- it is rooted in our attitude towards boys and girls from the time we bring them into the world- to how we shape their social behaviour as they grow up- to how we expose them to the skewed male-centric balance at home. Perhaps it is to do with how we cover up wrongdoings with the expression, "boys will be boys", while teaching a whole lot of 'culture and tradition' to our daughters and burden them forever with fear and insecurities about how they dress, talk, walk and form social relationships.
Perhaps it also has to do with how we bear upon our daughters with advice on how they must avoid notorious elements in college and on streets but forget to tell our sons not to turn into those notorious elements! Perhaps it also has to do with how we reserve the pre-marital lecture on duties and responsibilities towards the spouse, the marital home, the in-laws and the children for the bride while sparing the groom the boring conversation!
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that every incident of sexual harassment in India ridiculously debates on what the girl did wrong to fan the unfettered hormones of a male- was she wearing the wrong clothes?, was she alone?, was she in a lonely place?, was she hanging out with boys'? as always finding it convenient to shift the onus of the horrendous crime on the victim- the girl.
Perhaps it is is time to shift the focus and train our boys' psyche right from childhood so they grow up as sensitive and respectful beings.
Perhaps it also has to do with how we bear upon our daughters with advice on how they must avoid notorious elements in college and on streets but forget to tell our sons not to turn into those notorious elements! Perhaps it also has to do with how we reserve the pre-marital lecture on duties and responsibilities towards the spouse, the marital home, the in-laws and the children for the bride while sparing the groom the boring conversation!
Perhaps it has to do with the fact that every incident of sexual harassment in India ridiculously debates on what the girl did wrong to fan the unfettered hormones of a male- was she wearing the wrong clothes?, was she alone?, was she in a lonely place?, was she hanging out with boys'? as always finding it convenient to shift the onus of the horrendous crime on the victim- the girl.
Perhaps it is is time to shift the focus and train our boys' psyche right from childhood so they grow up as sensitive and respectful beings.
I wish we could all teach our boys a few simple things as they are growing up (I vow to teach my boys as and when they are old enough to understand) ;
- Just as boys will be boys- it is OK for girls to be girls. Live and let live.
- It is totally uncool to bully or harass someone just because you are physically stronger than her/ him.
- It is equally uncool to have fun at the cost of harming another living being.
- Treat your female friends, class mates, colleagues and the girl you see in the mall or in the bus- as fellow beings. You don't need to worship them or treat them as your mother and sister. Just respect them as fellow beings, don't objectify them.
- It is perfectly acceptable to be attracted to the opposite sex and admire their physical differences but it is unacceptable to abuse these differences.
- Women are created differently by the creator so that their bodies can do what your bodies cannot - procreate!
- Women are mentally tuned differently too but that is not a sign of weakness.
- Don't treat women's views as an affront to your masculinity. Real men listen!
- When you marry don't just think whether the girl is suited for you and your family - also check whether you, yourself are mentally ready for marriage (not just financially). Are you ready to forgo at least some of your 'me time' for your significant other? Are you prepared to compromise or adjust at least sometimes? Most men (especially Indian men) walk into marriage expecting nothing to change in their lives.
- It takes more than a bank balance and seven vows to make a good husband!
- Similarly, it take more than sperms and money to make a good father!! Being a father means putting your child's interest ahead of yours- yes, sad to break your bubble but even fathers have that duty!
- Don't pass judgements on women in your present life based on the women you grew up amongst. You have come a long way with your fancy gadgets - why should they be relegated to the past?
- Finally, take responsibility for what you do right or wrong, even if it does not affect you but someone else. Be empathetic to other's feelings, not apathetic.
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