Moms only know 'P' for Punishment!!!

Needless to say, mothers go through myriad emotions through their incredible journey....there are the obvious highs ....the first smile, the first word uttered, the first uncertain step, the time when they return with their first medal from school or simply the time they embrace u and tell you how much they love u :-). But as much as we hate to admit it there are many lows too.....the 'unable to sleep- unable to shower' state of early motherhood; the bawling of only your infant in public transport while other kids on board are blissfully asleep; the throwing of tantrums in the middle of a shopping mall; the obstinacy of a teenager and the defiance of your kids (all ages) against any rule-setting.

I faced a particularly low moment a few nights before, when I was patting my 4 year old son in bed, asking him to calm down and sleep as it was getting late. After many failed attempts at getting him to stop talking, trying to climb the wall like a superhero and hopping like a frog in bed; I held him firmly by the shoulder and asked him with a stern voice that he must stop at once and try to sleep or else I will be very angry. I threatened to leave the room and not come back. He wriggled some more and muttered loud enough for me to hear, "Mamas' know only one thing 'pa' 'pa' 'pa', P for punishment" (using his new-found expertise on phonetics) looking at me with angry, hurt eyes.

An hour back we had had another altercation.... at the dining table ....... my son hates the boring chore of eating and the hyper-active spirited boy he is- he hates having to sit down at one place even more...so meal times are regularly a confrontation point ....I have tried all tricks - tried to make his food interesting, engage him in story-telling, not give him any snacks close to meal time time so that he is really hungry, given him incentives (stars, stickers etc etc for not getting up from the chair and finishing food in one go) but nothing has really worked more than twice!!! So mealtimes often stretch painfully to over an hour with my mind increasingly conjuring up images of all that I have to do post meal time and of the clock furiously ticking by.

But for all of that, his statement left me flabbergasted, hitting me literally below the belt. Aghast, I wondered why he didn't understand that the only reason I want him to sleep in time is so that he could have enough sleep before school time in the morning....but of course he did not ! I was tempted to protest and say that after all that I do for him the whole day - this is not fair .....but I realized the futility of arguing with a 4 year old who obviously did not expect reasoning but was hurting and wanted to hurt me in return. Drowning my sorrow, I hardened my voice (as mothers can only do) and said, " Beta if children like u only know 'da', da da 'D' for Disobedience, then Mama's have no choice but to use 'p' 'p' 'P' for Punishment. Realizing that he had lost his upper hand, at least in this battle, he finally settled down and closed his eyes.

Once out of his room, I sat down alone - head in my hands feeling really miserable and guilty as hell...what if he really thinks that and grows up with this belief, I asked myself? But how can that be, I reasoned.... after all I don't punish him or scold him all the time....we do fun things together; I always try to respect all his legitimate wishes; I express my love to him in so many ways every day....how could he say something like that. Still, I chided myself with not diffusing the situation tactfully....but it is tough to use tact at the end of the day when you have been literally taken for a roller coaster ride all through the day, isn't it?

My son, a true Taurean and true to his name which means unshakable is extremely strong willed and headstrong and he started showing signs of his 'will' at an age when most kids are still trying to find their feet and utter their first syllable! But his individuality and his brilliance while impressing teachers at school and neighbors and friends has always been a double edged sword for me. It means that even though in many ways he makes me proud every day, my job as a parent is impossibly tough! He is a powerhouse of energy through the day and if he had his way, he would never sleep. But I, sadly lacking that level of energy am exhausted and by 9 p.m my mind is screaming for some relief and when he further delays bed time, it does get me quite worked up and the worst part is that he knows it!!!

Anyways, I kept musing late into night and after a lot of self-derision decided to wait till the next day for the verdict. The next morning, I woke him just the way I always do - cuddling up with him on his bed, kissing him and pulling him on to my lap. But this morning beneath my calm exterior, I was tensed waiting for his response. A few seconds later, he flung his arms around me, smiled sleepily and kissed me good morning........ my relief was palpable, my heart stopped its frenetic pounding and for that beautiful moment everything seemed right ........till of course it was time for my dear son to get ready for school and time for me to brace myself for another battle..............