Sweet Irony of Motherhood - School Time after Long Vacations!

My 4 year old son's school re-opened today after a month long vacation. To my utter embarrassment I was as teary eyed as him, (though I tried to cover it up with a smile so wide it hurt my jaw!) as he waved me bye from the yellow bus plying him to school in the morning. Once I could no longer see the bus even after straining my eyes and neck to the fullest, I turned back. I could not get myself to go home, so I walked around aimlessly for sometime before slowly trudging up the steps to my 4th floor apartment. I turned the key in the lock and with a sigh acknowledged the emptiness and the silence.

My mind was still not at ease and I could not forget the sad expression on his face asking me not to leave him, to stay with him pleading that he did not want to go. I sent a text to the bus driver and only when I received his reassuring reply my frayed nerves settled a bit. Of course, I reasoned with myself - this was hardly unexpected. Most young kids are not eager to go back to school after long holidays. They do not want to leave their parents or siblings or the comfort of their home. They also do not like being forced into a routine once again. I knew my son would adjust soon and everything would be normal in a couple of days. But despite all the reasoning, I felt a strange ache in my heart.

It is definitely strange, I thought to myself. I should have been instead jumping for joy today as finally after a month I could read the newspaper in peace, I could enjoy a cup of hot tea and a shower uninterrupted, finally I could have some 'me' time. With my son at school now, I should have bounded to my desk and utilized the 4 hours with writing, writing and more writing after a one month long oblivion. But ironically it did not happen, at least not today with my mind still wandering off to my boy.

But then this is one of the ironies of motherhood. When your child is not at a school-going age, you desperately wish to fast-forward time so you can send the child to school and extract sometime for yourself. When the child starts school you miss him. You also feel guilty for subjecting him to a schedule so early in life. Its the same with holidays; as the kids look forward to days of unregulated fun time, you dread the thought of having to keep them occupied 14 hrs a day, for 30 days or more! Though you love the extra time you get with the kids, you guiltily look forward to the holidays to end so that you can get some real work done! But once again when the school re-opens you feel so miserable for at least a few days-ironical isn't it?